The Love I Feel
by Partridge On A Pear Tree
Summary: "I told you to tell me why you're crying!" the blonde bodyguard yelled at him while touching his arm. Orihara Izaya was taken aback further, causing more tears to trickle from his eyes. He quickly pushed Heiwajima Shizuo's arm, moving backwards.


"I told you to tell me why you're crying!" the blonde bodyguard yelled at him while touching his arm.

Orihara Izaya was taken aback further, causing more tears to trickle from his eyes. He quickly pushed away Heiwajima Shizuo's arm, moving backwards.

He covered his eyes using the sleeve of his black parka, sobbing more.

Shizuo palmed his face, as if telling himself that he shouldn't have yelled at him, and then sighed. "Flea… What happened?"

The raven-haired informant's breaths are showing that he's obviously having a hard time to breathe. This only means that he has been crying for a while now.

"Hey, Flea… It's getting annoying to talk to someone who isn't responding." Shizuo said, lit a cigarette and put on his sunglasses again.

Still no response. Izaya's gasps are the only sound that one will currently hear from him.

Shizuo placed the cancer stick in his mouth. He wanted to comfort the smaller man in front of him. He wanted to touch his hand and rub his back to at least ease his breathing. But he's scared of being pushed away again.

To think that Izaya pushed him away is painful. Not physically but emotionally. The moment Izaya pushed him away, he felt a short stab of pain in his chest.

He started to get the feeling that Izaya didn't want him to be there.

_Again._

There was the ache in his chest _again_.

He started to walk away, saying, "Fine, Flea. I'll leave you since that's what you want. Make sure that you're alright the next time I see you so I can beat you up."

But then the unexpected happened.

People always say to expect the unexpected. But, if you expect the unexpected, wouldn't the unexpected be expected?

Does that mean that there's no such thing as unexpected?

Izaya walked towards his direction and hugged him from behind.

Izaya continued on crying, hiding his face on Shizuo's back.

Shizuo's eyes widened and he dropped the cigarette that he was holding moments ago.

"I-Izaya…?"

The smaller man sobbed and said, "D-Don't leave me… Shizu-chan…"

"I thought that you didn't want me here."

"N-No…" he tightened his hug on Shizuo. "Please don't leave…"

Shizuo can feel himself smiling. "I won't leave. So tell me what happened, okay?"

He can feel Izaya nod.

Shizuo slowly turned around to face him. He reluctantly extended his arm to him and touched his back, as a sign of comforting him.

Izaya looked up to him, their eyes meeting. Tears are still leaking out his eyes.

Shizuo can't take it anymore.

He slowly hugged Izaya, and he buried his face on his shoulder.

Shizuo softly caressed his hair, while Izaya tugged softly on his clothes.

"It's alright, it's alright…" Shizuo muttered softly. "Everything will be alright…"

"S-Shizu-"

"Shhh. It's alright, I'm here."

Izaya cried more, as if he finally decided to stop holding back.

"So, Izaya… Who is the person that made you cry?" Shizuo asked.

He himself doesn't know why he asked that. After all, he wasn't even sure if a person is the cause of Izaya's current state of being pathetic.

"S-Shizu-chan… Do you… Do you think… you can help me… about something?" the way Izaya asked that was soft, weak and slow.

Shizuo didn't stop into caressing Izaya even just for a moment. "I'll try." He replied and smiled. "You can count on me."

Shizuo always wanted to say that, and to think that Izaya would be one of the people who will be receiving that from him, from Shizuo. Not gonna lie, never in Shizuo's life did he expect to see Izaya crying.

"Shizu-chan… Have you ever fallen… for someone?" he asked again, in the same manner of speech. The reluctance is obvious in his voice, as if he doesn't really want Shizuo to be the one to learn _these._

"Well… Yeah." Was Shizuo's answer. He was glad that Izaya isn't looking at him; because Shizuo's current facial expression is different… Different than he usually is. It's totally like a pained look in his eyes, which will break other people's hearts just by looking at his eyes.

Shizuo continued speaking. "But I don't think that the love I feel will ever be returned. After all, that person hates me, I know."

"Hates… you?" Izaya repeated. "Well then… We're in… the same situation… I'm glad… because I won't need to explain… anymore…"

Shizuo can sense that he's having a difficulty in breathing again, and that's why he soothingly rubbed his back.

"I'm sorry, Izaya. If you didn't really want to talk about it, then-"

"No." Izaya was the one who cut him off. Izaya's voice was firm but shaking. Who knew that those two adjectives will be used in one sentence?

Shizuo continued his soothing gesture, feeling the sensation of Izaya's soft and silky hair.

"Shizu-chan… The person that I love hates me." Izaya pulled away and smiled. And Shizuo is smart enough to know that that smile is forced. "Well, now that I think about it, everybody hates me, right?"

Despite his smile, his tears continued to fall as he looked at Shizuo, straight in the eyes. "Even you hate me, don't you, Shizu-chan?"

Izaya burst into fits of laughter. It looks ironic though, granting that tears are still seeping out of his eyes.

Shizuo remembered Shinra saying that once a person burst into hysterics, the right thing to do is to slap that person across the face. But for some reason, Shizuo cannot do that now. Because right now, Izaya simply looks so… vulnerable. Shizuo never thought that he will encounter this informant in a very defenseless state.

Instead, he hugged Izaya again. At least that much he knows he can do.

So much for his surprise, Izaya hugged him back. Izaya was sobbing harder than before, and murmuring 'Shizu-chan' repeatedly.

"Izaya…" Shizuo said. "I don't… hate you."

If Izaya was in his normal state, he would have laughed and asked, "Oh, really?" But of course, right now is not the best time to do something like that.

"But I thought-"

It's Shizuo's turn to cut him off. "No. I don't hate you. I was… just hiding."

Even if Shizuo cannot see it, he knows that Izaya is wearing a questioning look as he spoke, "H-Hiding? How?"

Shizuo sighed and intertwined his fingers with Izaya's black locks. His hair as black as night, his eyes as red as blood, Izaya is such a sight to see. Even if his night-like hair is currently messy, and his blood-like eyes are glassy, he's still beautiful. No doubt.

The informant was obviously curious about what his companion said. He also noticed the delay in the ex-bartender's response, causing him to understand that he doesn't want to talk about it. He decided to shut up. After all, he was the only person right now who wants to offer him company, and he wouldn't want to piss him off.

"Shizu-chan…"

"Hm?"

"Why are you… even here?"

Shizuo softly grumbled. "Would you really want to know?"

"…Yes."

"Well, I went here to kill you. Guess didn't that go as planned."

Izaya pulled back to look at Shizuo's eyes. "Why not kill me now, Shizu-chan? I won't fight. I won't mind."

Shizuo frowned. "…No."

"Why not?" he asked and got his flickblade from his pocket. He touched Shizuo's hands and handed him the flickblade. "Go on."

Izaya positioned the tip of the blade near his neck. It touched him lightly, and that's when he realized how sharp his blade is. And to think that he always uses it against Shizu-chan… The thought made him want to chuckle. _Shizu-chan is really a monster…_

Right now is not the best time to chuckle though. As a matter of fact, if he did so, it will totally come out as a bitter one. After all, he's getting ready for his death.

"No." Shizuo simply repeated.

"But… WHY?" Izaya yelled. The tears are back. _His _tears are back. He feels so frustrated. Why, why? Shizuo spouts all the time that he'll kill Izaya, but right now, he has been given a chance, a big one at that, why won't he take it? When Izaya is finally willing to die, why not kill him now?

"If you won't kill me… then… I'll kill myself!" He took the flickblade back to his own hands and held it. His hands are evidently shaking. He wonders why… Even if he keeps on ordering Shizuo to kill him, he knows that he's scared of death. To present himself in front of death, to ask the incarnation of violence to kill him, he's pretty brave.

"No, Izaya. Put that thing down." Shizuo said, looking alarmed.

Izaya slowly walked away from Shizuo, still holding his flickblade with trembling hands. Shizuo also walked nearer to him. "Izaya, no. Just, no. Put that down."

"No!" Izaya stubbornly exclaimed.

Izaya lightly touched his chest using the flickblade, while Shizuo ran closer to him. Shizuo held Izaya's hand that holds the flickblade, and wrapped his other arm around Izaya.

"No… Izaya. Don't even try to do that to yourself." Shizuo softly spoke. "I… I won't let you."

"Shizu…chan… Why?" was all he could say.

"Izaya… Why would you kill yourself… for someone?" he asked.

"Shizu-chan… Please let me go…" Izaya softly said.

Izaya's hand weakened its grip on the flickblade, causing Shizuo to have the control over it. He threw it far away from both of their reaches. After all, he wouldn't want Izaya to pull the same stunt again.

"Are you… really Izaya? You're not… the Izaya I know. You're not the Izaya that everyone knows."

Izaya chuckled bitterly. "Do you even know me?"

"Izaya…" Shizuo pulled him into a hug again. He wouldn't Izaya to turn dark right now. Dark people will just resort to suicide.

Izaya tried struggling, but obviously, he won't be able to, given Shizuo's monstrous strength.

"Shizu-chan… I told you to let me go!" Despite yelling, his voice is still shaking.

Ignoring any of the smaller man's protests, Shizuo said, "Now that I think about it. It's true. I don't know you. Even though, that doesn't mean that I don't want to learn more about you."

Izaya looked up to face Shizuo. None of them flinching, despite the closeness of their faces. Their noses already touching, still no flinch. They can feel each other's warm breathes. Still no flinch.

Instead, Izaya spoke, saying, "Shizu-chan…"

Shizuo sadly smiled. "I don't know anything about you… Because I don't know how to get close to you."

Despite the shock that he received because of those words, he remained silent, urging the blonde to continue.

"I would like to get close to you though." He softly spoke. "And maybe help you in forgetting the person that hurt you."

Izaya smiled. "But you can't do that, Shizu-chan."

"Why?"

"Because… You're that person."

Shizuo blinked, cannot believe what he just heard. "S-Seriously…?"

Izaya nodded. "I love you, Shizu-chan."

Then Izaya shook his head, as if realizing a mistake. "No. I love you very much, Shizuo."

For the first time in their lives, Izaya called him by his name, whilst Shizuo heard his name from Izaya.

Shizuo smiled and kissed the smaller man. Softly and gently, their kiss does, no doubt, love.

Who knew that the two of them shall share such sweet kiss? It would be much more usual to expect bites and wounds, but that is not the case.

They feel love for each other, genuine and sweet love at that. Even how many years they hid that feeling, love and truth shall always prevail.

No one shall be able to hide their feelings for all time. The feelings shall be always there, even if it's hard to bear.

If you are sad, you will later be happy. If you are dissatisfied, you will later be contented. If you are crying you will later smile.

Shizuo pulled away and leaned his forehead on Izaya's.

"I love you too… Izaya."


End file.
